So much has been said, so much has been shed. I have finally come to terms with it and taken control over my feelings. If i dont break down again the next time someone asks me what we got, i have afirmed this statement.

In case you didnt not know we got a silver.

Honestly, i know we are only worthy of silver if not a bronze maybe? However comparing ourselves with our past experience we definately made an improvement so i guess we are not that bad! The reason why i broke down... ... realisticly, deep down inside i know our limits, but a huge part of me was yearning for that gold so badly!

Imagine all that glory that will come along with it. The real proof that we are capable. To the hypocrites out there, they know exactly who they are, evidence to prove you wrong. But so what if we did not, we dont have to prove anything to anyone. As long as we know we have the potential, as long as we believe in ourselves we do not your recognition. Besides its just medal, an analysis made base on just one performance.

Well, i just want to let you know that im very sure we have gained much much more then we loss through this process.

To those who stayed back and comforted me, although i was crying all that while i heard everyone of you. Thanks for being there. Im sorry i could not hold back my tears and held you guys back but it was so heart wrenching. Well im glad i've cried it all out and i have come to my senses. Thanks for all the encouragement.

To our teachers in charge, I know that they were one of the very few teachers who are actually sincere in what they say. Yes, although the school might not give us the best priviledges but that did not stop us from reaching for our gold. Thanks for enlightening all of us at our darkest moments despite being upset too. I really really appreciate the unconditional care and concern. As for Mdm Jamilah, thanks for always looking into our interest first and standing by us all this while. I will always remember those simple acts of kindness that you have offered.

To my dearest sec 4 dancers, though we might not have been the best seniors the price we payed for it IS worth it. We are living examples that eventually WILL BE a contribution for dance. By spelling out our mistakes, our juniors will learn from our mistakes and do better the next time. Although we will not have a chance to dance with the same group of dancers for another syf i think that what we've shared for the past few years will be etched in our heads forever. Our memories that we have created will always be a part of us even it just means an occasional thought. Anyway we still have many more to create. So dont feel sad about graduating, its just a shift of focus, but that does not mean we will stop meeting up! No nostalgic feelings!

To my beloved juniors, yes the truth is we did not do our best as seniors so dont say we are not responsible. Everyone IS responsible in one way in another. Just accept this fact and learn from our mistakes. Yes, you girls and guys have been a little playful in the past but i could really sense your gradual change. You will continue to grow and surmount us so dont freeze at this moment. Don not let this hold you back, it is merely a label and we all not we have not been tagged correctly! haha! Carry on striving forward you still have one more to go! I will come back to watch your next syf, do tell me the date!

To all the others who have send well wishes and have shown true care and concern, thank you very very much for being there.

On a personal note, i think i should learn to be a stronger person. Both physicaly and emotionaly. I hope i will continue to stretch at least twice a week and train up on my stamina so i wont dissapoint myself if i ever take part in another dance syf. As for my emotions, i need to learn to think on the right track. We are a gold with honours troup in terms humanity. Ngee Ann dance is forever opened to everyone. No one was forsaken and it is something i am proud of. I must learn to take better control over my emotions and think of all the postive sides of the situation even in my darkest moments!

All has not been tpyed but i believe i have said all my heartfelt feeling to at least one person! lol! Hopefully i will be able to get all the agony out of meeeeeeeee!

penned at 11:38 PM

Stress has never really came to me. Its becoming to overwhelming for this fifteen year old to take. Although what im going through may seem just a taste of the outside world, but for someone who cant contain stress at all, its a whole lot...

Its the fear of encumbering my peers.
Its the fear of dissapointing myself.

I know i'll have to fall sick someday, but could i repay my debt after this event of utmost significance pretty please?

Its time i get back to all the suffocation before its get backs to me.

penned at 8:54 PM

Dance dance and dance. Well, i really wish hope pray and we will get gold. Sounds like im disregarding our potential but i believe we can do it!! Today i was finally told of my weakness. I wished she had told me earlier! It would have been much easier to correct it! Oh well, i still have..
7 days!!

Things i need to do by monday:

• Always put my braces rubber band!
• Do at least a hundred sit ups per day!
• Do at least fifty frog jumps per day!
• Practice at minimum an hour of dance routine!
• Study for history test!
• Study for coordinate geometry test!
• Study for calculus test!
• Study for geography test!
• Study for physics test!
• Study for emaths test!
• Regain my pefect health!

So i actually went to look up

Willpower is the inner strength and the inner engine that propels towards success and achievement. It is the power that pushes into action in every area of life. Willpower is one of the most important and desirable inner powers, and its lack or presence determines whether you will fail or accomplish your desires and ambitions and attain success.

Willpower + God thats all i need :)

penned at 10:28 PM